Web Developer’s Glossary

Sometimes people misuse common web terms.  Other terms people are completely unaware of.  It’s important to know your web technologies emboldened text book highlights.  Here are a few.

  • Vaporware: software made of up a collection of “trick mirrors” and “fog” to fool others into thinking there is actually a product. Eg.: “I just sold our client a WordPess site with a free theme.  It was on cPanel hosting, so all I had to do was click install.  They were very impressed and I made so much $$$!” ~ Credits to Melissa Baumann for this gem
  • Spaghetti Code: software that is often use to keep a job since there is nobody on earth who understands it as well as its inventor.  developers often use this as a way of shielding themselves from the outside world. Eg.: “I just took a nice nap in my warm spaghetti code while 9/11 happened and Daleks almost destroyed the entire universe.” ~ Credits to Melissa Baumann for this wonderful term
  • Copy/Paster: a “programmer” that accomplishes at least 75% of his work by copying and pasting bits of code found on Google, without any reasoning abilities to determine original code quality or the skill level to rationally merge scripts from multiple sources
  • Requirements Document: stick figures, scribbles, plus a ketchup stain–usually delivered on <document type=”knapkin-4.01v3″/>
  • Social Media Expert: i kan haz FaceBook all dai 4 monie$.  i has t3h tw33ts!!!
  • Custom CMS: often used as a threat, this is usually a way to keep clients from managing their content along with a high dollar reoccurring maintenance bill
  • Web 2.0: a way to make the Internet still sound cool after the dot com crash, as in “Remember Web1.0, guys?  It’s like that but now with more cheerleaders!”
  • Web 3.0: Web 3.0 is often seen coming back from the future to battle its younger self, Web 2.0, in a cage match, generally filled with bologna which is sometimes substituted with SPAM
  • Responsive Design: used to characterize a website that “listens” to the emotional needs of the end user, and then suggests an appropriate drink to match their specific mood, usually something pink
  • SEO: usually this refers to eating babies in a dark closet and not cleaning up afterwards before a requirements analysis meeting
  • Microsite:  similar in all ways to a standard website, except… well, similar in all ways to a standard website
  • API: black magic used to conjure up solutions to really complex problems that are not clearly defined, having a desired end result described as a “requirements document”; synonymous with <beginJohnWilliams>”a long time ago in a database far far away”<endJohnWilliams>; common usage: “Isn’t there an API for that?”
  • SAAS (3): a cool OO kind of CSS syntax with some PHP/RUBY/C or other parser; software as a service; ur mom
  • BA$H: a tool used for hammering, but in a computer sciency type of way

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Thank you for visiting this site. The web fairy will visit you in your sleep... you know, I was going somewhere with this, but it really doesn't have as much innocent charm as the tooth fairy, especially when I picture the web fairy as someone much like the Simpsons' Comic Book Guy but with wings. It's just not something I want.